- I like fruit. I don't think an abundance of fruit is available on pirate ships. Maybe the modern ones but I've read enough historical books to know that scurvy and I would not get along well.
- I can't wield a sword. I can't even use a knife without cutting myself. I'd be the pirate in the corner, huddled behind the barrel of rum and praying that no one saw me.
- I don't like rum. Really. It's nasty stuff. If pirates were vodka drinkers, I might have been more prone to sign up. Now I'm on the wagon and that too makes it hard to be a pirate.
- I don't think I'd enjoy the hammock sleeping. I need a little more lumbar support than a few ropes hanging from the raftors. Even a nice featherbed on the floor would be more enticing but I can't guarantee that would even win me over.
- I'm not into sharing a bathroom with dirty men. I have to clean pee off the floor after my three year-old. That's bad enough.
- I can't swim. Enough said.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Why I can't be a Pirate
This was my first thought when I woke up this morning. Why, you may ask? I don't know. I don't know what modern-day piracy has to do anything. I was in the semi-coma state just before wakefulness and had one of those "WOW" moments that made me think, "I really need to blog about that," when I woke up and completely forgot why I will never resort to piracy. Since I have no clue on where I was going with this though, I guess I will list reasons why I could never be a pirate. I mean, my blog is about craziness. I might as well keep it real.