Sunday, July 3, 2011

Ramblings of a Crazy Mommy

What can I say?  I woke up this morning and decided, "Hey!  I guess I should start a blog."  I'm not exactly sure where that thought came from but here it is. 

At one point in my life, I was working on a book. With all the damage I've managed to accomplish with my laptops, (this is number 3 in the past two years), all of those chapters are missing.  Not that I'm that interesting but I do have to say there have been some funny moments in the "greatness" that is my life.  Like the time I "had to have" the teeny-tiny leather mini-skirt, complete with a million zippers just because I thought I was going through a Rihanna phase.   Well, that's not exactly true.  Rihanna wasn't even famous then.  It was just 75% off at Target and I just can't say no to a bargain.  Just ask Abbey, my old shopping partner from Delaware.  Oh, our trips to Target.  Those were the days.  Exactly how many times did I wear that skirt?  Umm, never.  I found it later in the bottom of my closet and died laughing at how silly the whole thing was.  I'd like to say that this was when I was 13 or 14, but nope.  I was about 26 when said mini-skirt fiasco occurred. 

Which of course makes me think of all the funny things I've purchased on clearance just because it "was such a great deal."   Hmmm,  among my favorites:

  • a youth-sized elbow sleeve.  That in itself wasn't so strange except for the fact that at the time, my only child was 6-months old.   At the time of this purchase all I could see was that $3.44 price tag and the knowledge that I would be a failure as a parent if I didn't have said elbow sleeve available for the future.
  • white eyeshadow.  Really?  Will I be performing Lady Gaga on my front lawn in the near future?  Not likely. 
  • bright fuschia sweatpants from Dollar Tree.  Oh, goodness.  These are by far the fugliest thing I have ever purchased.   I was about 7 months pregnant and uncomfortable as heck.  Walking down the aisles of Dollar Tree, I found these wonders on the shelf and for some reason had the awful thought that "Those look comfortable and amazing.  I MUST buy them."  And I did.  Ohhh boy.  Thankfully, reasoning returned and I never actually wore them after I bought them. 
  • a large oar.  Nope, you didn't read that wrong.  An oar.  One.  I had it in my head that I would be decorating our guest room in a nautical theme.  I combed old antique stores for this treasure and was ecstatic when I found it.  It barely fit in our tiny car while I was driving it home.  It made it on the wall, all right, for all of 6-months before I realized how dumb the entire thing looked and we moved on to a different theme all together. 
  • pretty much half of my stock of Dollar Tree "necessities."  Good grief, you would think for a college educated person, I would have more sense than to think I really needed a million and one things from the dollar store.  Seriously, just because something is a dollar doesn't mean I actually need it.  Lightbulbs for nightlights, throw it in the basket.  Forget the fact that I have no nightlights, I'm sure they will come in handy at some point.  Backscratchers?? Sure, one for everyone I know.  I may be cheap, but I'm also generous.
However, my worst and most embarrassing purchase ever just happened the other night.  I am almost too ashamed to write this one down and share it with the world.  I blame it on my meds because we all know I'm crazy, right?  Well, after taking my medication and not going to bed like a good girl, apparently I started shopping for music on iTunes.  I don't quite remember this but I was listening to my iPod the other night and suddenly JUSTIN BEIBER and even worse REBECCA BLACK started playing, I could only look in horror and try and figure out what the heck happened.  Yes, somehow I managed to not only find and listen to that terribly awful song "Friday," I purchased AND downloaded it to my iPod.  Oh boy.  If that wasn't bad enough, I happened to look at my Amazon account and apparently I got a little happy with some random classic composers that I have never heard of.  I am now the proud purchaser of 99 random songs that I don't know.  Oye.  It could be worse, I guess, even though it's hard to imagine how.  Back in the day when it was cool to order cd's in the mail, my sister once entered the wrong code for a cd she wanted.  When she opened her package of free cd's, she was "pleasantly" surprised to find Johnny Hodges in her collection.   That was one of those moments where we laughed so hard that neither of us could catch our breath for minutes.   I wonder what happened to poor Johnny.  I'll have to ask her the next time I see her.

I'm such a sucker for all things bargain related....or even related to shopping.  My 5-year old figured this out so early in life, probably around the 18-month mark.  She quickly learned to use this to her advantage.  It doesn't take much to talk mommy into buying something, especially if it's on sale.  Her reasonings behind why she needs an exact item are so clever, sometimes it's impossible not to agree.  It scares me that the manipulation is starting at the age of 5.  I'm already crazy mom....what will this child drive me to by the time she's 15?  Classic example.....on a monthly trip to Sam's Club for our standard items that we actually NEEDED, we happened down the wrong aisle.  Of course Ava happened to see the large black horse that was actually out of her reach but was "so practical for everyday life" she needed it.  "It has a saddle, mom, and we can ride it everyday,"  she says as she single-handly gets the stupid thing out of the box.  The fact that this ghastly thing is 3 times her size was no deterent to her determination of getting it into the cart.  The mental picture of the 9-month pregnant mother riding the horse was hysterical but the $50 price tag was a little hard to swallow.  I left this particular battle up to dad.  Little princess left the store, lugging "Horsie" to the car ten minutes later.  He apparently is as easily suckered as me. 

Oh, the stories I could tell.....

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